Birthday Roast

My friends roasted me for my 37th birthday. It was epic.

Carly was the organizer extraordinaire, and Kristine hosted it. It was the party I have always wanted to throw for myself, and that's no easy feat. Twilight? Check. NKOTB? Check. Talk of my luscious hair? Check. My friends referring to me as "fun, loud and aggravating?" CHECK!

I was greeted with this little scene. Ashley was tasked with procuring a dozen balloons, but I called her a #wetblanket and #introvert earlier in the day, so she whittled it down to three balloons. I think we all know I'm lucky to have gotten even 3. #shedoesntmessaround #ballbuster

It started with a buffet of my favorite foods. Turns out I'm kind of white trash, but my friends still like me anyway. Chick Fil A nuggets, a TUB 'o' Sauce, sweet potato fries, fruit, layered JEll-O, corn muffins, salad, creamed corn, cupcakes, and enough Diet Coke to last several weeks.

It comes in a tub!

We quickly moved on to the roast portion, ushered along by Ashley and Heather--the unofficial "mover alongers" of our group. No party can wrap up fast enough for these two keepers of time.

Ashley started out the roast with some hilarious and highly accurate observations and tidbits about me.

Some of my favorite gems:

*We would make great wing women because we have opposite taste in men. She's a Pacey, I'm a Dawson.

*She has a thing for Downton Abbe sex symbol Mr. Bates (not exactly true-but still funny)

*She creates holiday wonderlands that are magical and cozy.

*She does not have a confidence problem

*The only thing bigger than her boobs is her personality--Kaari can be hilarious, aggravating, exciting, sarcastic, charitable, and charming--but she is never boring!

It brought the laughs

Heather was up next, and she was also super funny and spot on

Some of my favorite gems:

*It is commendable to be equally at ease while camping in the mountains as well as at a fancy gala in the city.

*If one captures a good picture of  hair or a particularly flattering angle, immediately post to all media outlets.

*To truly enjoy food, one should locate an eatery, eat at it frequently--possibly daily-- and arrange for your friends to attend and praise it incessantly. After about 6 to 9 months it should then be dead to you, and another location must be found.

*If one is going to do something, do it passionately--whether it be Jazzercise, hair products, crockpot cooking, or 80's dancing. Promote it in any and all available conversations.

Kristine actually had nice things to say about me, and presented me with the greatest sign ever. I would totally win a NKOTB display-off with Farts Mcgee.

Meghan wrote an amazing novel titled "Kaari is made of Diet Coke." It could be a best selling novel in a foreign country. I need this dress to match my new book.

After the roast, the guys did a hilarious Dating Game bit, and the three contestants were trying to win my affections.

Lance gave horrible answers. He described himself as "average, and not fat." I thought this meant I was supposed to pick another candidate.

I ended up with this guy. He's also "not fat." That's apparently all I look for in a guy. Lancer knows me so, so well.

After the dating game, the girls did a "California Gurls" inspired song and dance that was hilarious. Yes, they're wearing yoga pants, fleece jackets on top.

You can see it HERE 

Carly tried to get these five hotties to show up, but they were busy working on choreographed moves to make my summer amazing.

So she mad this happen. My very own boyband!! They had the Right Stuff.

They even donned Donnie masks, and serenaded me with "I'll be Loving you Forever." These guys were AWESOME. I couldn't believe the foolish things they did on my behalf.

You know when this is on your table at the end of the night, you had one truly hilarious party.

Thanks for helping me ring in 37 in style, ladies and nonfat boybanders.I loved every single thing about my fabulous fete!

You Buy Pants on Your Own Time!

We planned a girly getaway with our friends who have left us--our beloved Hayley, and our equally beloved Sarah, who now lives in North Carolina now. Sarah did us all a solid and came out west, and we met up in Park City.

One of the best parts about traveling with friends is that is magnifies the differences between all of us. In short, I will always be the non-planner/last minute packer/eat whatever. My dear bestie will always be the uber planner/tortured packer/bring your own feed in case of starvation. We travel well together. The flurry of furious texts the night before were classic Heather. The weather was vexing her, and she didn't know what to pack. Conversely, I dumped two tons of clothes in my bag and decided to figure it out once we arrived.

Type A made kettle corn, and brought it with us on the plane in case of a 72 hour layover.

                                      

We touched down in SLC, and waited for our generous driver from the Atwood Cab Company to arrive

We spent the night in Price, and then enjoyed all that the town has to offer two lovely ladies from California

The Dollar General had some tasty local delights

And these adorable fedoras we got for $5 each--solely to bug Tyler Carter

Double the fun

Triple Threat

Sherald's Burger Bar and Ice Cream Shack

Maurice's--where I bought every outfit from 1992-1994

Goodwill--I just couldn't pass up all of the relatives of the Dolottoman. I'm crazy for knits!

Type A mapped out the best route to get to Cafe Rio to meet up with Sarah.

We found her! Reunited--and it felt so good! It also tasted very good.

After dinner, we hightailed it to Park City, where they informed us upon check-in that the property was under construction. You know that part in the Wedding Singer where Adam Sandler  yells "Once again, things that could have been brought to my attention YESTERDAY" They promised jackhammers at 8am--which we hid from Type A in case it wouldn't be an issue. The suite, however, was fabulous. We hopped into the whirlpool tub for a night of soaking and girl talk.

Cue the jackhammer at 9AM. It was an issue. There's always an issue when we get together. It's like we're half cursed--the other half always makes for great stories, so we let is slide.

Type A got on the horn, and in her best professional voice, informed them that we would be checking out the following day WHENEVER WE WANTED TO because of the inconvenience. They were amenable.

We rolled out to breakfast at The Eating Establishment, and ordered hearty plates of food that were delicious.

 

                                 

                                

We hit up the outlets in Park City for a day of shopping with no one screaming at us. It was heavenly--especially since I found a Talbots Outlet. Living large.

                                

We rounded out the evening at a bland Mexican restaurant, then hit the hot tub for girl talk and relaxing under the stars. We headed back upstairs to eat treaties and stay up even later catching up.

The hot tub was especially entertaining, because HT had insisted that I have a howling and/or smiling wolf tattoo hidden on my body somewhere, and bathing suits are optimal for spotting tats.

Not my arm. But I hope that goes without saying.

 The next morning, we ate at the same restaurant, and then headed back to pack up and hit the local spa before heading home. The map to the spa was convoluted, and we nearly gave up ten different times. It didn't look promising.

But we persevered, and pressed on. We finally found the spa through a restaurant, down stairs, up stairs, in and out of a broken elevator, and then down two floors in an operational elevator.

 

After the spa, it was time to head home. We were all relaxed, well fed, and caught up on girl talk. Next time, we're heading to North Carolina and getting a beach house. I'm already counting down the days.

I will bring HotDad, and Heather's "missing shirts."  This means we should probably use the shower at some point, and avoid the Loco restaurant that gave everyone the runs. I will also buy pants on my own time, and refrain from dancing in the hall at Hayley's, per Heather's explicit instructions. I'm already planning on rolling on top of her again with my howling/smiling wolf tattoo. Until then, ladies!

All About Beezie

Stats: Weight: 27 lb, 28th percentile; Height: 2' 11, 45th percentile.

B is all about options--breakfast options, clothing options, video options, game options. Every morning when she wakes up the first thing she says is "I need to check out my breakfast options."

She still steals everyone else's shoes. Whenever shoes are missing at the end of a playdate, we know who to blame.

If you want her to scram, play "get back here with that!" She will take whatever she has and run like the wind.

She makes us smoothies and crocodile soup in her kitchen every day.

She could car less about her garbage truck--unless Kai Kai comes to visit. Then it's immediately the GREATEST TOY EVER.  The truck always ends up in a timeout.

Her imagination has really kicked in recently. She's constantly off on adventures, searching for pirates,  and looking for treasure.

She's a daddy's girl, and loves to work out in the garage and yard with Lance. She tells me all about their projects they work on together.

Church songs--Popcorn Popping, Jesus Wants me for a Sunbeam, I am a Child of God. She fusses every morning before church because she hates dresses and tights, but loves it once she's there.

Shows: Caillou, Dora, Diego, Doc Mcstuffins, Tinker Bell, Jake and the Neverland Pirates. She got into Tinkebell after our last Disneyland trip.

In the car the other day, she started singing "this little piggie went to the market, this little piggie went to Iowa..."

She often requests a "light jacket" when leaving the house.

Food: peanut butter crackers, yogurt smoothies, bars, grapes, cheese, chicken nuggets, pancakes (with butter and syrup), strawberries, dried mango, dried strawberries, chicken noodle soup, mac and cheese, toast with butter and jam, cashews, popcorn, avocados, Wheat Thins, cheddar bunnies, fruit snacks, and waffle fries from CFA.

She's always rearranging my front porch displays. Every time I open the door, she runs out to "help" me.

She's into gardening--she loves plants and helping pick lemons from our tree. She planted some soybeans at school, and has enjoyed watching them grow.

She talks All. Day. Long.

She asks if food is gluten free before offering it to me. When I tell her no, she informs me that I should get a gluten free version of her food.

She gets angry when Logan steals her food--even if it's something she abandoned long before it was snatched. She still talks about how Logan stole her peanut butter crackers, and it was a few weeks ago. After he steals her food, she commands him into his doggie den. "Go in your doggie den, Gonie!!"

She loves to do art projects--stamps, paint, stickers, and coloring. I have yet to introduce Play Doh because it seems like a big mess.

She's bossy. She frequently tells us to leave her room, leave her alone, and not to talk. This leads to a time out for bad manners, of course, but she still tries it every once in a while.

She loves to gas up her play car at school. She loves to do all of the things I do during the day.

She's always jumping--on and off the couch, stairs, and chairs.

We rock in Lance's chair every night before bed. We talk about what we did that day, and what we will do the next day. I sing her a few songs, and then we go read books in her room. She always requests at least one song from Adele's 21 album.

We have to sing her Twinkle Twinkle Little Star 3 times each night. After the 3rd one, she says "that was the lasssssssst time." Then she rolls over and goes to sleep.

She's a connoisseur of radio songs. Her faves: Kesha, Pitbull, Adelle, Katy Perry, Amy Winehouse Taylor Swift, Britney Spears, Swedish House Mafia, Justin Bieber, and Bruno Mars. She can identify Pitbull in 4 different songs.

She loves to read, and lounges around "reading" her books out loud. She makes up stories based on the pictures in the books.

She's thankfully out of the phase where she fusses in the shopping cart. She's back to being helpful and nice.

Best friends: Kai Kai, Colin, Hadley, and the Grays--according to her.

Her little prayers each night are adorable--she starts off pretty strong (bless Mommy, Daddy, Gonie...) and then she just starts looking around the room--then she blesses clothes, doors, windows, shoes, and whatever else she can spot as she peeks around. Ha!

If you take her to the beach, you can skip all of the sand toys and fancy stuff. Just dig her a hole, and she will stay busy all day jumping in and out of it. Of course this requires some effort up front.

She often dons interesting hats and glasses, and always looks through her binoculars backwards and upside down.

She's starting to understand sizes--she laid these out on the couch, and said they were big Brobee, medium Brobee, and little Brobee.

She's always stealing my phone to look at pictures and videos.

She takes pretty good care of her babies, and animals. 

She's not super clever in the stuffed animal name department: Meow Meow the cat, Pickles the Duck, Brown Duck the Duck.

She's very funny, and tells lots of jokes. She recently moved into the knock-knock jokes. Her fave is the old "banana/orange you glad I didn't say banana again." She also likes to mix up our names, and pretend that she's one of us.

She knows our fave bands: Mine is NKOTB, hers is Swedish House Mafia, and Lance's is M-83.

She dislikes hipsters and banjos like me. Mumford and Sons came on, and she told me she didn't like them. In a poor parenting moment, I said they sucked. She countered with "yeah, they suck--like my juice box!" Poor parenting sometimes leads to awesome quotes.

She always requests "fresh, cool water" in her water bottle.

I recently bought her a Radio Flyer scooter at a garage sale for $1. At first, she whined that it was too hard. After an hour, Lance said something clicked, and she hopped on and took off. Mission accomplished.

When we shop, she will look at items and say "oh, that's cuuuute."

She loves the bath, and stays in until she's cold and pruney. She has an abundance of bath toys.

She so much fun, and even on the days when she drives us crazy, we love her so much, and feel so lucky to have our little crazycakes. We love you, Beezie! You're my favorite sidekick!